


desperate measures: or, how poe dameron ended up really following in general leia's footsteps

by janie_tangerine



Category: Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Awesome Leia Organa, Bikinis, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Post-Canon, Rescue Missions, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, The Author Regrets Nothing, in which poe wears THAT golden bikini
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 08:10:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13209576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janie_tangerine/pseuds/janie_tangerine
Summary: in which Finn is in danger, Poe has to be the distraction in their rescue attempt and Leia has just what he needs.Finn certainly isn't complaining.





	desperate measures: or, how poe dameron ended up really following in general leia's footsteps

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still taking end of the year prompts on tumblr. I got _flash prompt: the scenario where Poe is in Leia's position at Jabba's palace in rotj._ Admittedly I've been considering that since TFA came out. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HAVE THE CRACK after all Poe IS her successor, RIGHT, so he should be also where it matters. u__u
> 
> Obviously NOTHING belongs to me and sure as hell Disney's not giving us any of this in IX even if I wouldn't be complaining. And I'll REALLY saunter back downwards now. SORRY. /o\

_Well_ , Poe thinks, _now_ this _is not how I thought I’d follow in the General’s footsteps if I ever did_.

Too bad that desperate times call for desperate measures.

You’d think that they had enough on their hands with the First Order but _no_ , now they have to deal with fucking Unkar Plutt on top of everything.

Rewind: they had been heading for a possibly friendly planet where they might get reinforcements.

Then some part of the Falcon’s engines that was fundamental to put the ship into hyperdrive fried, and they _had_ to replace it. Too bad that after they asked Chewie if they had a spare part he replied that no they hadn’t, and as far as he knew maybe just the last owner before they got the ship back might have it, and of course the previous owner was on Jakku, and of course he worked for Plutt who of course was still in charge of most exchanges on Jakku (honest, _nothing_ on Jakku is legal and it’s all pseudo-organized crime), and of course they wanted Rey because they recognized her, and of course Finn get himself taken in her place because he rushed in and got tased instead of her and they didn’t get to them in time.

“We need to get him back,” Poe had said, because like _hell_ he was letting Finn die in the hands ofa minor crime lord before having told him _a number of things_ that he should have told him a long time ago.

“He’s most likely in Nima,” Rey had said. “Damn it, he _knows_ I can take care of myself, why would he -”

“We _know_ him,” Rose had said, shrugging, “would you have expected any less?”

“No,” Rey had admitted. “Anyway, the outpost will be well-guarded. And we can’t spare too many people. Not in the current situation. We shouldn’t even spare _you_ , Poe, since -”

“Don’t give me any crap about this. The General’s still here and _she_ ’s in charge, not _me_. I’m coming.”

“Well, it can be the three of us going,” Rose had reasoned. “From what I’m seeing, the outpost isn’t really huge.”

“No,” Rey had confirmed. “There’s a brig in the back, that’s where they usually keep prisoners. And Plutt doesn’t have _that many_ guards. If one of us manages to cause a distraction, the other two could break in and get him out easily.”

“A _distraction_ , you said?” The General had asked, suddenly.

“Yeah. Do you have an idea?”

“Oh,” she had said, “if no one touched _that_ stash, I might.”

They had followed her.

She had found the stash.

In which she had kept that infamous golden bikini that people say she wore when she and Skywalker rescued Han Solo from Jabba the Hutt way back in the day.

“I hated it,” she said, “but Han said he wanted to keep it. He never even asked me to wear it again and he never saw me in it, so - whatever. Anyway, it _is_ a distraction.”

And then she had given it to _him_.

“General, excuse me, but -” He had started.

She had _looked_ at him. “Rey certainly can’t be the distraction, _she_ has the Force. And I’m afraid that while the back was flexible, the front was _not_ , and Rose here is, uh, _more_ well-endowed than I was. Which means it would hurt her greatly. That leaves _you_. So, are you wearing it or not?”

“Should I just _walk in there wearing this_?”

“That would be a distraction, wouldn’t it?”

Well, Poe thinks now, certainly going in and telling Plutt that he was willing to exchange himself for Finn while dressed like _that_ was a… distraction.

He also wants to die inside because the thing is bloody uncomfortable, it’s cold, it _chafes_ , it definitely wasn’t ever meant for someone with a _dick_ \- he doesn’t know how he managed to wear it so that it wouldn’t just hang outside the damned golden trap but sure as hell it’s more painful than anything his pride might be sustaining -, _everyone_ is ogling at him in ways that he doesn’t like and of course the offer was accepted by _chaining_ him to the wall and pinning the chain to a pair of manacles they put around his wrists.

They even found golden ones.

_Fuck_.

“You know,” he says, “I’d like some guarantee you’re actually sending my friend back.”

“Sure, sure,” Plutt says, “when have I ever _not_ kept my word?”

_According to Rey, all your damned life_.

“Of course,” he goes on, “this plan of yours was a little reckless. Didn’t you think I might know the First Order has a bounty on _all_ of you?”

_Obviously_ , Poe thinks, groaning inwardly.“Let me guess, you already contacted them, didn’t you?”

“I’m sure that Supreme Leader Ren will _love_ being handed to you both that faulty trooper and yourself, _dressed like that_.” He laughs. Of course he does.

Then the alarm starts blaring.

_Fuck this_ , Poe thinks.

“I think not,” he says. “I don’t dress up like this for _anyone_.”

And then he takes a step forward and throws the chains around Plutt’s neck and _pulls_ , and then he turns towards the guards, holding the asshole in front of him.

“You try to shoot, you have to get through him to get to me, and if you try anything, I’m pulling those damned chains.”

He figured it would convince them.

They shoot anyway - where are loyal henchmen these days? He gets rid of the corpse and uses the chains to hit the next henchman showing up, and he does, hard enough that the breaks his nose or so it sounded from the noise. He manages it with two other people but those damned chains are _heavy_.

“Rey, damn it, now that’d be time to help out!” He shouts as he runs towards the brig, trying to avoid getting hit.

A moment later, his manacles break off.

_Thank you_ , he thinks as he grabs the chain with his bare hands and therefore is able to target those assholes more precisely, until he finally manages to steal a gun off one of them and fend off the others with it as he runs towards the brig, where both Rose and Rey have finally managed to free Finn, who was apparently still out for the count and only seemed to gain some conscience now after Rey slapped him not too nicely.

“Force, what -”

“ _Who_ told you to jump in front of me?” Rey asks him, but she fails to sound reproaching. “Unkar Plutt got you, we’ve just freed you. Stand up and let’s get out of here, for - Poe, why are you dragging that chain along?”

“Because I didn’t get the gun until now. Can we just go or _what_? We have some other fifteen henchmen running here and the door won’t hold.”

“ _What in the galaxy are you wearing_ ,” Finn groans as Rose holds him up.

“You can compliment on how good I look in it later,” Poe says as he grabs his other arm. “Let’s just fucking run, _how about that_.”

“Well, that’s why you give the orders,” Rey says, and as the door breaks down all the henchmen get thrown back against the opposite wall.

Then she blasts the wall out of existence, and good thing they left the speeder just outside the back of the outpost.

\--

“Shit,” he says not long later. “Shit, shit, _shit_.”

“What’s the problem?” Rose asks.

“You ever tried having sand under _hot metal_ getting everywhere? Because I’m trying it and let me tell you, I’m _never_ fucking doing it again.”

Finn is just _staring_ at him. 

“Sorry,” Poe says, “it’s goddamned ridiculous.”

“I wasn’t complaining,” Finn blurts, and - _what_?

“Could you, uhm, elaborate?” Poe asks, and suddenly his heartbeat is speeding up and not because of the damned scorching hot sun.

“Shit. Shit, I’m still out of it, sorry, I didn’t mean -”

“I never said I was _angry_ ,” Poe says, moving closer, trying to smile in the most charming way he can, even if he doubts it’s working given his current status.

“I just,” Finn says, _licking his lips_ , damn, “you’re, this thing is ridiculous but you look good in it, not that you don’t otherwise, because you’d probably look great in a trash bag, I guess, no, you _would_ , but - I, uh, wasn’t complaining. It’s - a very nice sight.”

“Hm,” Poe says, “Do I guess right if I assume you might want the full picture _without_ the bikini?”

“What if I do?” Finn asks, his hands _obviously_ itching to reach out.

Poe does instead and grasps them in his. “I was gonna say you were right about hating this goddamned planet and never wanting to be back on it, but I think _something_ good came out of being here again,” he says, and then he drags Finn forward and kisses him as he’s been wanting to since _they fucking met_ , and who cares if both Rey and Rose are whistling as they drive.

It’s not as if he has much more dignity to spare, anyway, and it was entirely worth it, but he surely is going to give the golden thing back to the General as soon as he can take it off and he hopes _really_ strongly that she doesn’t decided to gift it to him just because she can, which she’d be more than capable of doing.

For a _distraction_ it worked, but next time _Finn_ can wear it as far as he’s concerned.

 

 

End.


End file.
